Zoo Productivity

At the San Francisco Zoo today I had a great idea. I spent the day mulling it over and finalizing the plans, and here I am now, at the end of my day, exhausted, writing my thoughts and plans for when I open my own Zoo. I think that it is an obvious fact that animals are much smarter than we really give them credit for. They are evolved and fully capable of overcoming all obstacles that they are forced to confront. I went into the Zoo knowing that, and my opinion was only stronger when I left. I have lots of respect for the animals on the Zoo, in fact, for all animals, in all Zoos, everywhere.

The most curious specimen that I observed today were the humans I encountered. All of them. It went beyond being a typical American. It went beyond being a westerner. Every single human being that I saw within the confines of the Zoo sickened me. Each of them committing an act worse than the one I had dropped my jaw at before, my disdain growing stronger with each crying child and comment that a monkey was "going hyphy". It is here that my idea began its incubation period.

Humans are animals, in the crude sense of the word as well as in the directly literal sense. Animals. A Human Zoo (H. Zoo) would be the perfect way to discuss and conduct research pertinent to each human "type". As of now I have not yet determined the classifications, but it is a detail that will work out in time. The H. Zoo will be well stocked with Humans from all over the world, mixed in and corralled. Humans from all walks of life and all regions of the earth, all treated equally and uniformly. They will be brought in massive quantities by freight train, then covered box truck. Once they reach the H. Zoo they will be placed in holding camps, where scientists will concentrate their efforts on weeding out the strong and weak, as well as observing the casual encounter patterns the specimen practice. Once the weak are weeded off and marked with a signifying badge to set them apart from the others, they will be set to fulfill mundane grounds keeping tasks. Those chosen will be put in cages with 20 foot tall fences, most of the fences will be electrocuted, so as to test the learning patterns of the specimen, and weed out the stupid faster than would normally occur in the wild. An element that will only result in breakthrough scientific results that will better the world in the future. A world more pure.

Oh wait.

fuck...